u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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