Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
