Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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