Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
