Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
