I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
