that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
