I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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