Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
