Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
