I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
