i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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