remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
