Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
