I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
