I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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