If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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