I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
