i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
