just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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