I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
