it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize