i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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