at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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