no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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