If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
