I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
