god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
