I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
