Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
