What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
