No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
