so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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