Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize