We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
