We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
