I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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