singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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