hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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