i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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