As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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