I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize