Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
