I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
