Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
