So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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