He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
