Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
