Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
