wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
