I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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