So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
