honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
