The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
