hotel room ftw
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
