Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
