$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
