It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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