you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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