just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
