I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Your tits are I can't wait for
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
