we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
