That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
