def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
