I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
