i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
4 words: hood of his car
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
