Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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