After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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