Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Couch. On fire.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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