so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
