The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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