If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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