in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
