We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
