I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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